


Coming Home

by EcoLumberjack, SanversFanatic14



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, mention of rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 00:38:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19284514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EcoLumberjack/pseuds/EcoLumberjack, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SanversFanatic14/pseuds/SanversFanatic14
Summary: After taking a hastily decision after the proposal, Alex needs to deal with the fall out of her choices if she wants to try to get her life back. But things may not be the same for her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is new to me so criticism is welcomed. hope you enjoy it!!

Six months…That’s how long its been since Alex had left National City, she couldn't be there knowing SHE was there. Alex gripped her glass of whiskey tighter as she remembered the day she left.

 

**SIX MONTHS AGO**

  
**"She'll be okay"**  
**"I hope so"**

**Maggie turned her around "Hey, I know the Danvers girls don’t break easy…"**

**"Marry me"**  
**"Excuse me?"**

**"Seriously...Marry me...Please?" Alex was terrified but she knew she had to do this now and not wait. Kara's words rung in her head "never let her go'.**

**Maggie had this blinding smile "Alex…" she grabbed her hand "I love you, but I can’t marry you…at least not right now".**

**Alex couldn’t breathe she felt like someone had punched her in the gut. She had to get out of there away from her, away from the love of her life who didn’t want her.. She released Maggie's hand.**

**"Okay, um I have to go check on Kara, I'll see you later yeah?" She quickly walked off not being able to breathe.**

**"Alex! Please let me explain!" Alex was so far into her head to even listen to what Maggie had to say. She walked up to Winn's desk and grabbed the Tachyon device, she knew what she had to do… say goodbye to Kara somehow and leave National City…**

 

**PRESENT DAY**

"Alex?" She turned around to see Barry standing there with a box of pizza.

"That better be pepperoni and bacon you have there Allen" Barry chuckled and handing it to her.

"Of course what other kind would I get you?" Barry got quiet as she was eating and she knew something was up.

"Just say it Barry" he sat down and sighed running his hand through his hair.

"Alex we love having you apart of our team… but I think you should go home to Kara… you needed time away from National City and I get that, really. I do, but Kara had just lost Mon-El and then her sister takes off…  
What I'm trying to say is… go home to Kara, FOR Kara, yes seeing Detective Sawyer, Maggie, will be hard and heartbreaking but no one, not even Kara knows where you went because you left the Tachyon device there so it wasn’t suspicious.  
You left Kara a note but never said where or why. It's been six months Alex, Kara needs you."

Alex stared down into her drink and thought about what he said, she was only thinking about her heart ache when she took off. He was right. She sighed trying not to get emotional.

"Help me get home?"

"Of course" he stood up laying his hand on her shoulder.

She sighed, she missed Kara, J'onn, Winn, James, and she definitely missed Maggie but she needed the night to get her thoughts together and how she was going to handle seeing them again.

"Give me tonight to myself, in the morning we can go to S.T.A.R labs and I'll say goodbye to everyone then you can take me home" She looked at him.

"Thank you for not pushing me till now to go back. It means a lot"

"Alex I know what it's like to only think about yourself when dealing with heartbreak, at least you didn’t change the timeline right?" He chuckled

"Seriously you did what you thought was best for you none of here blame you. If we did we would have to be upset with Caitlin that she's gone" He leaned down to hug her.

"You mean a lot to us and you will always have a home here on our Earth" As he walked to the door Alex asked

"They won't hate me will they? For leaving like I did?" He turned his head towards her as he reached the door.

"No, upset maybe, but Kara nor Maggie could hate you, I'm sure of that" with that Barry left leaving Alex to her thoughts.

She missed her sister and everyone else but she couldn’t help but wonder what would happen between her and Maggie, would she hate her for taking off the way she did? Or would she understand? Alex sighed put her leftovers away and headed towards her bed to sleep.

"Well I guess I'll have to face everyone tomorrow"  
She gets comfortable under her covers sighing heavily. "Kara, Maggie, I'm coming home".


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so my amazing friend EcoLumberjack is now helping me with this story now. Because i swear I'm gonna rip my hair out cause i want this story to be great so you should also check out their stories too!!

She was nervous to be going back to National City, being here in Central City working with Team Flash has truly been a godsend, gave her time away to think about everything. Ever since Caitlin left them they needed someone who had the same skill set as her, they were in luck as that was when Alex had shown up.

 

**S.T.A.R LABS SIX MONTHS AGO**

Team Flash minus Caitlin sat around quietly.  
"Guys? Why did we let her go?" Cisco quietly asked but you could tell he was angry and sad.

Barry sighed.  
"Because she needed to leave for herself, she needs this"

"Well we need her!" Cisco was angry. But before anyone could respond suddenly a breach opened and a crying Alex came through falling to her knees, Barry immediately ran to her.

"Alex!? What are you doing here!? Is Kara okay?" Alex looked up at him  
"She's okay but I don’t think I am" Barry looked around at his team hoping they all could help her.

 

**PRESENT DAY AT S.T.A.R LABS**

She smiles at the memory of Cisco helping her, letting her crash with him, they all had understood. She would miss them dearly, all of them.

"Nervous?" She jumped she never saw Cisco walk up.

"Don't do that!" she sighs then looks at him

"Hell yes I'm nervous, terrified actually. One day Maggie had said to me "You get one Alex" and I realize now that I screwed that up by leaving." Cisco sighed

"She will forgive you if she loves you, and if she doesn’t you can come back to us." she laughed "I'm gonna miss you Cisco, you've been such a great friend and support system for me I don’t know how to repay you"

"You have, you helped me see things from how Caitlin probably feels and so I can't blame her, I can't be upset with her anymore" he hugged her

"Give them time to forgive you, they will eventually" She smiles and goes over to the group.

"Ready Barry?" she steps up to him. He gives Iris a kiss and nods

"Let's go" Cisco opened a breach for them. She looked back one last time.

"Thank you all again, you have all become so important to me, I'll see you all later"

 

**AT THE DEO**

"Kara! A breach just opened in your apartment! It's gotta be Barry!"

Kara sighed "thanks Winn!" As Kara heads to her apartment her phone rings

"Hey Lena"

"Kara I have to cancel dinner, I am up to my head in paperwork, I am so sorry…" Kara sighed sadly.

"No I understand" She knows Lena feels bad cancelling their date.

"How about brunch tomorrow? Will that work?" Kara hated saying no but she had training tomorrow morning.

"I can't do brunch but I can do dinner, my place?" As she landed at her apartment Lena responded, she could feel the smirk on her face.

"I'll bring the dessert" Kara felt a blush creeping up her neck and cheeks. She came up to her door.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then" She hung up as she opened the door.

"Barry! Winn told me a breach opened so I know your in he…" She stopped mid sentence as she saw Barry and Alex standing there in her apartment. She couldn't move or breathe.

"Kara? I'm sorry…be mad at me, but please don't be mad at Barry" Alex pleaded with her, she wanted to cry, Kara looked happy, she looked healthy, but deep down she knew her sister was angry at her. Kara took a deep breath

"Barry can I speak to you alone please…and Alex call Maggie now, don't make her wait any longer than she has to, to know you are alive.." With that she walked into the hallway with Barry.

Alex sighed, she knew she had to talk to Maggie sometime, guess it's now or never, she thought. She grabbed Kara's phone off the counter and unlocked it to see a picture of Kara giving Lena a kiss on the cheek. A lot has apparently changed in six months…She knew she eventually had to ask Kara about her and Lena but that could wait, now she had to contact Maggie.

She dialed the number she had memorized over a year and a half ago. A silly picture of Kara and Maggie appeared with the name "Detective Dimples" she chuckled as the phone began to ring.

"Here goes nothing" she whispered to herself

 **RING**  
**RING**  
**RING**

"Hey Little Danvers" Alex's heart fluttered hearing Maggie's voice. She sighed heavily trying not to cry.

"Maggie it's me…" she heard a sharp intake of breath.

"Alex?" she could tell that Maggie was crying or on the verge of crying.

"Yeah Maggie it's me" Alex smiled to herself. There was silence..

**CLICK**

Alex was shocked, why did she hang up? She tried to call her back but was met with her voicemail. Alex sighed and just wanted to break down. She needed a drink, as she walked over to the fridge, Kara and Barry walked back in, Kara's voice was hard.

"Alex hold off on drinking until we talk, I want you sober for this"

Alex closed the fridge, she understood, she wanted to just go see Maggie but Kara needed an explanation for why she left just as much as Maggie did. She was not a good sister in the moment she left. Barry walked over to her.

"Is everything okay with you and Kara?" she asked him. She was so worried that Kara would be angry at Barry. He sighed and put his hands on her arms and quietly said:

"We are okay, she understood my place in this situation. Look Alex, be honest with her okay? She might be angry but that's only because she loves you." he hugged her tightly and whispered "After you finish talking to Kara go see Maggie and fight for her" he released her and turned to both of them.

"I'm gonna go to the DEO and head back home. I'll see myself off, take care guys." Barry hugged Kara and zoomed off.

It was quiet between them, you could cut the tension with a 10-blade, neither of them knew what to say, Alex wanted to apologize and Kara wanted to yell but knew it would only cause an argument. Alex ran her hand through her hair.

"Kara I am so sorry I left the way I did, I was heartbroken and didn’t know…" Kara interrupted her, she was angry, no actually she was pissed.

 

"YOU were heartbroken!? I had JUST lost Mon-el, then SUDDENLY MY SISTER DISAPPEARED WITHOUT A TRACE! I WAS BROKEN!!" Kara couldn't hold in her anger anymore, she screamed.

"I WAS SO BROKEN AND I NEEDED YOU! RAO ALEX! **I NEEDED MY SISTER**!!" Kara was crying at this point, she couldn’t hold the anger and hurt in any more.

"I needed my sister…" she whispered as she sobbed. Alex pulled her into the tightest hug she'd ever gotten from her sister. She broke down in Alex's arms, anger, sadness, confusion, all the emotions she felt since the day Alex left came out as her sister held her.

"I am so sorry Kara, Rao if I could change the way I handled things I would. I am so sorry."

Alex started to cry as well, she was a horrible sister, she should have gone to Kara for comfort rather than taking off the way she did. She will regret the way it affected Kara for a long time. A knock on the door interrupted them. Kara slipped out of Alex's grip and walked towards the door wiping her tears, finally she opened it.

"Hey babe I got done with work early and decided to surprise you…Are you crying?"

Alex sees Lena Luthor holding her sisters face so delicately like she would break. Looking at her exactly how she looks at Maggie.

"I'm fine Lena" Kara tried to downplay her feelings.

"No you are most certainly not" Lena pushed her way in and finally noticed Alex. She was shocked to say the least.

"Alex! You are alive! You're home!" Lena had looked back and forth between the two sisters.

"I see that I interrupted something, I can come back Kara if you need more time with Alex" Alex quickly cut in before Kara could answer.

"No Lena you stay, I have something I need to do and I think Kara and I need to calm down before we finish our conversation." Alex walked over to Kara.

"Spend some time with Lena and we can talk tomorrow, I promise that I'm not going anywhere, okay?" She pulled Kara into a tight hug

"I WILL see you tomorrow" Kara let out a relieved sigh

"Okay Al" she hugged Alex back tight but not enough to hurt her.

They released each other and Alex grabbed her keys to her Ducati luckily Barry had been smart enough to go and get it before Kara showed up. As she walked to the door she heard Kara say to her,

"Alex a lot has changed in six months, don’t expect Maggie to forgive you fast, nor let you back into her life so easily, too much is different."

Alex just nodded and left. She ran down the steps and to her bike wanting to get to Maggie's sooner than later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> criticism is welcomed! please feel free to give comments!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so guys i did update the rating and the warnings for this story, i have a couple more chapters written and realized i needed to put them in!  
> hope you enjoy this chapter! and sorry its very short!

About 10 minutes later she showed up at Maggie's, she knew she was home because her bike was sitting in the parking lot, ‘at least that hasn't changed” she thought. Alex knew this might not go well but she HAD to see her. She quickly jogged up the stairs straight to Maggie's door and knocked anxiously. Suddenly the door swung open to reveal a little girl who looked to be 8 or 9 years old, but she looked exactly like a young Maggie. “JAMIE MARIE SAWYER! What have i told you about opening the door!” Alex’s breath caught in the throat when she heard Maggie's voice.

 

“Not to, unless it’s you Mama” the little girl was the spitting image of Maggie with her pout. “But Mama it’s the pretty lady from all your pictures!” Finally it registered in Alex’s head that this little girl was calling Maggie Mama, she was so confused she couldn't speak.

 

“Alex?...” Maggie had tears in her eyes, she couldn't believe Alex was here, alive, and in front of her. 

 

“Jamie go do your homework, please”

 

“But mama..”

 

“Now” Maggie didn't know how this conversation was going to play out and she didn't want Jamie around just in case it went south. As Jamie walked away Alex heard her mumble to herself “Science homework sucks, i don't get it..” Maggie’s voice pulled her away from all the thoughts in her head. “What are you doing here?” her voice was hard no emotion, but you could see the sadness in her eyes.

 

“I wanted to talk. We need to talk..” Maggie sighed “Not now, i have Jamie and I don't want her around for this conversation” Alex sighed but was determined. “Mag’s we gotta talk and I think sooner rather than later would be a good idea.” She looked over Maggie's shoulder to see Jamie huffing and puffing over her homework. 

 

“I’m sure Kara could watch over her for a few hours while we talk?” Maggie nodded looked at Jamie then back to Alex. “I guess so” she pulled her phone out, as  Alex proceeded to push her way in and walked over to Jamie. “Hey do you want some help with homework? I’m really good at science” Alex smiled at her.

 

“Really!? Please! I don’t understand any of it!” Jamie practically begged her, even though she didn't have to. Alex sat down as she took in her facial features, she has Maggie's eyes, smile dimples and nose. She was always what Alex pictured their children would look like, her heart soar that there was already a little Maggie Sawyer in this world. She had to fight to keep what she had with Maggie so she could get to know this little girl. 

 

Alex started to explain what she didn't understand her, not knowing Maggie had tears in her eyes watching the love of her life help her daughter with her homework like she usually does, like she was also her mom. She was still angry at Alex, but she knew deep down she would eventually forgive her because she loved her, wanted to spend forever with her. The only reason she had said no all those months ago was because Alex didn't know about jamie yet. But she had to talk to Alex even if it turned into an argument.

  
  


“Jamie do you wanna go stay the night with Aunt Kara?” Alex was in shock, she couldn't believe that Kara knew, how long had she known?

 

Yeah!!! I’m gonna go call her!” Jamie grabbed Maggie's phone and ran into her bedroom.

 

“Aunt Kara?” Alex questioned her as soon as she was out of hearing range. “That can be explained later okay?” Maggie was annoyed that Alex was questioning her when she was the one that left! She would have known if she had stayed! She sighed quietly she had to keep calm while Jamie was still home. Jamie came bursting out of her room with her backpack. 

 

“Kara will be here soon mom, and she’s gonna take me flying! If you say it's okay? Alex stood there in shock for the second time.

  
  


Jamie knew Kara was Supergirl?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> criticism is welcomed!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i uploaded this chapter a couple of times I'm sorry if you tried to read it the first time lmao

**AT KARA'S APARTMENT**

 

“Kara, Sweetheart? I know Alex being back was not how you saw today going but how are you?” Lena was worried about Kara, she knew Kara was happy that Alex was back but she knew _suspected_ the blond was also having other feelings. Lena watched as Kara paced back and forth.  

 

“Fine.” Kara was short with her. Lena sighed then walked over to her and stopped her from pacing.

 

“Kara talk to me love, please” Suddenly Kara’s phone rang, she pulled it out of her pocket and answered walking away from Lena 

 

“Hey Dimples” Lena smiled, Maggie was a big part of their lives if it hadn't been for her, Lena never would have told Kara how she felt, she still remembers that

 

**5 MONTHS AGO IN LENA'S OFFICE**

 

Lena had not spoken to Kara in a while Kara was still depressed about Mon-el leaving. To be honest, Lena was happy that he was gone, he wasn't the best for Kara. But also, she believed that she wasn't either even if she truly wanted to be with her. Suddenly her thoughts were interrupted.

 

“Looks like you are thinking about her again” Lena looked up from the picture of her and Kara that she had been staring at for a while. She chuckled “How do you know that?

 

“Well for one, you have that ‘Kara’ smile on your face. Two you are staring at a picture of you two while drinking. Three you didn't hear me come in 10 minutes ago. And four, you look exactly how I do when I think of Alex...” Maggie softly smiled at Lena.

 

Lena sighed “I can't help it. I miss her and wish I could just go to her, hold her and tell her everything will be okay” 

 

“Why can't you?” Maggie questioned.

 

“Why can’t I? Let me explain… Kara is my best friend and also going through heartbreak. I can't just tell her ‘Kara I know you are still dealing with Mon-el leaving but I have feelings for you and have had them for a while, will you go on a date with me?’

 

“Sounds like a good idea to me” Maggie walked over to Lenas desk looking at her shrugging.

 

“You, Detective, are crazy” Lena looked at her like she has 3 heads, but proceeded to hand her a glass of wine.

 

Maggie grabbed it but didn't drink any, just started swirling it around.

 

 “Did Alex or Kara ever tell you that I originally turned Alex down after she kissed me the first time?” She looked right at Lena “I wish I hadn't, maybe I would have had more time with her, more dates, more nights with her, more love” she sighed “Lena don't let your fears control you. If you love her, tell her, don't let her go. As I told Alex, ‘life is too short and we should kiss the girls we want to kiss’ and I meant that. Don't be like me Lena, grab her before you lose her” Maggie gulped the entire glass on wine down at once.

 

Lena looked sadly at Maggie “oh Maggie..” Maggie waved her off.

 

 “What I was getting at Lena was, don't be afraid, she may not feel the same or she might, you will never know unless you tell her. You know Jamie will comfort you if she doesn’t” Maggie chuckles.

 

“Maggie I’m just so tired of being in this boat of ‘i have feelings for you but they aren't returned’ it's a constant thing for me, has been for years, you know that”

 

“It will happen eventually Lena i know it”

 

“I want to be in the boat you have been in and technically still are!” Lena couldn't keep the smile off her face

 

Maggie was happy that Lena was joking with her “Well it is a nice boat” Maggie was laughing at the way Lena was describing her love life.

 

“You are damn right it is! Your boat is actually a yacht! With a lot of room, I’m in the boat that has a hole in it and is slowly sinking!!” Lena always loved their weird conversations.

 

“My boat had sex in it, it is a wonderful boat” 

 

“Dammit I want on that boat so badly! You and Alex and then me and whoever gets tricked into falling for me! That would be a fun boat!”

 

Maggie and Lena couldn't hold it in any longer and just started laughing so hard they couldn't breathe. After a good five minutes Maggie finally spoke.

 

“I’m serious though Lena, tell Kara. you never know”  

 

Lena sighed, looked at her then down to her phone and picked it up looking at her background. It was a picture of her and Kara from one of the game nights she went to. She pulled up her contacts and clicked Kara’s name.

 

**L: hey Kara, its Lena, well I think you probably already know that, duh..anyways i was wondering if we could get together sometime soon. I want to talk to you about something important so if we could get dinner sometime together that would be great? I miss you.**

 

She hit send then proceeded to show Maggie the text. “You Little Luthor even ramble in your text messages” Maggie laughed smiling at her. “I believe it will all work out, just be you and tell her everything.” 

 

Her phone proceeded to vibrate in her hand, she sat there looking at her dark screen before sighing and unlocking her phone to read the message.

 

**K: I miss you too. How’s tomorrow at 8?**

 

**L: Sounds good. I’ll pick you up.**

 

 **K:** **❤️**

 

Lena smiled and stood up to hug Maggie. “Thank you” She hugged Maggie tight “Alex would be so happy about this” Maggie said wholeheartedly. “Now I think Jamie would like to see her Aunt Lena tonight”

 

“That I can agree with”

 

**PRESENT DAY**

 

Kara walked back into the kitchen where Lena was starting the preparations for dinner, cooking for a kryptonian was something that took time after all.

 

“So, I know it was just you staying the night _buuut_ what do you think about a sleepover tonight with Jamie?” Kara asked as she wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist. “It seems Alex was the chainsaw instead of the scalpel and it’s about to play ‘Miley Cyrus- Wrecking Ball’ if we don’t play some damage control.” She pondered for a moment. “They also need to talk, and it’s better if tiny ears aren't around.”

With a low chuckle, Lena turned around and rested her arms on Kara’s shoulders.

 

“Continuing with your pop culture ramble, I quote Taylor Swift. You need to calm down, darling. When have I ever refused a sleepover with our favorite kid?”

 

Kara laughed “Very true my love, I promised to take her flying if Maggie is okay with it, but not tonight maybe in the morning” Lena smiled at Kara

 

“You spoil that little girl so much Kara, and it’s one of the things I love so much about you” Lena kissed her on her cheek then looked very determined at her “We still need to talk about how you are feeling about Alex’s return”

 

“I’m fine Lena, I don't need to talk about it, I’m going to go get Jamie.” Kara kissed her softly and left without letting Lena respond.

 

Lena sighed but continued to cook dinner “Kara Zor-el Danvers, i will get you to tell me how you are feeling even if it means going to extreme measures” Lena smiled to herself chuckling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> criticism is welcomed!!
> 
> the conversation between Lena and Maggie was actually a conversation between me and my best friend earlier lmao


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy 4th of july everyone! hope everyone had a great day!   
> ecolumberjack really helped me with this chapter, i swear i was going insane without them so enjoy! and ya'll should check out their stories too :D  
> ENJOY!

**BACK AT MAGGIE'S APARTMENT SHORTLY AFTER JAMIE LEFT**

 

Alex had been silent the entire time Kara had picked Jamie up and was pleasantly surprised when Jamie ran and hugged her before leaving with Kara.

 

The silence stretched between the two women. They kept staring at each other until one of them broke eye contact due to the awkwardness.

 

Before, their silence was easy, they didn't need words to communicate. But well, look where the lack of words got them. 

 

Alex, never one to be good with words but fierce in her actions, couldn't stand anymore of the tense atmosphere around them. She marched like a soldier ready to war and engulfed the love of her life in a tight hug.

 

"I missed you so much." Alex murmured against her hair as she felt the short woman melting in the hug. But as everything in her life, this comfort too was short lived. A breath after she already felt Maggie stiffening and start to push her back.

 

"You…" Maggie cleared her throat. "You can't do that. We need to talk." She stated trying to sound firm.

 

“I… I know… So...” Alex twiddled her thumbs in anticipation not ready to have this conversation.

 

“You took off so you get to let me speak with no interruptions got it Danvers?” Maggie was angry, but Alex couldn't blame her. She nodded.

 

“I told you that you got one Alex. And what did you do? YOU fucking disappeared!” Alex tried to speak but Maggie cut it right off. “YOU are going to shut up and listen! You left! You didn't let me explain. You vanished into thin air and I had no way to know if you were alive! You died for all I knew! Crashed your bike drunk out of your mind! And when you died you left us! You abandoned me just like my parents did! And worse, you abandoned Jamie too even without knowing her!”

 

“The first time I admitted my feelings and kissed you, you rejected me. Then Valentines day? You lied! And i tried to make it good for you and you just got mad and shut me out. Then i asked you to marry me and you said no. and i was suddenly back at that pool table with you saying you couldnt be with me beacuse i was just some inexperienced baby gay that wasnt enough, seems to happen in all aspects of my life I’m never enough”

 

“Oh  _ bull-fucking-shit _ Alex!”

 

“Bullshit?? What about ‘your feelings are valid and they are real?’ It only counts when it makes you look good?!”

 

“Oh don’t even go there! This only started because YOU DISAPPEARED! You left your sister! With a fucking note saying to not look for you?! What were you even thinking?! Oh right, you weren't cause you never do!” Maggie was angry, no she was livid.

 

“Apparently I had to go away for you to finally understand they are your family too, cause you're talking awfully like Eliza. Kara this, Kara that. Always take care of your sister. What about ME?!” Alex started off sarcastically but then proceeded with anger.

 

“When did you got so fucking selfish?!” Maggie questioned.

 

“About the same time you decided that my pain is worth less than hers just because you're angry at me. And you know what? This isn't about my sister. This is about you and me so stop fucking hiding behind her!” Alex screamed.

 

“Oh but this is about her! If you left me once because of her, and now you left her! If even she is disposable to you what the fuck do I even expect?! Be worth the same as a paper napkin?!” Maggie threw her hands up angrily.

 

“Now you're just being ridiculous. You just keep going in circles. Just fucking say what you really mean!” Alex was tired already, she hated arguing with Maggie.

 

Maggie’s voice got hard “Not so shiny anymore, is it? Why don't you go back to your other earth?!” Maggie walked over to the kitchen opening the cabinet to grab a glass out then slamming it shut and grabbing the bottle of whiskey out of the fridge. She looks straight at Alex.

 

 “I should have trusted my gut the first time. You're so immature.  You just run from your problems. Go back there! You probably already found a new shiny toy there. Just GO! “  She started to pour her drink and was almost done when Alex wrestled the bottle out of her hand. 

 

“You don't mean that” Alex said sadly hoping Maggie would realize.

 

“GET OUT! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!“ Maggie wasn't completely thinking straight, was only seeing the anger in herself, not caring that the bottle smashed when Alex tried to take it from her.

 

Maggie regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth, but who could blame her she was hurt and angry, and she wanted to make her hurt too, but most of all she had missed Alex and wished they never had to go through all of this.

 

Alex’s didn't feel at first the cut on her arm because her heart sank, thinking is that what Maggie truly thought of her? 

 

Alex hissed and walked over to the sink running water over her arm. She quietly said “Be careful Mags the glass shards are sharp.. don't walk around or you will hurt yourself…  Just wait until I clean it up, alright...?”

 

Maggie was looking from Alex arm and the blood to the broken glass and remembering when her father would get drunk out of his mind and smash things.

 

“Is that what I am… ?” Maggie whispered to herself looking down at her hands feeling herself start to shake in fear of herself.

 

Alex looked up from her arm after noting to herself she did not need to stitch herself up to see Maggie shaking, looking at her hands with wide eyes. She barely heard what Maggie said to herself and quickly ran up to her to hold her, she hesitated for a moment but she knew she had to hold her.

 

She wrapped one arm around Maggie’s back hand holding her head, running through her hair and the other tightly around her waist, she struggled a bit as Maggie started hitting her with her fist trying to get her to let go,but never budging. Alex normally would let go because of how hard she was hitting but she knew at this point in time she has to keep holding on no matter what.

 

“Shhh stop, you're going to hurt yourself” Alex whispered in her ear, she knew Maggie probably didn't hear over her crying. Alex knew she wasn't going to calm down, she had to get her to relax, so she picked her up, with no effort even with Maggie continuing to hit her. She looked down at the ground as she carried her out of the kitchen that way she didn't step on the glass.

 

_ ‘Kinda glad we sent Jamie to Kara’s’  _ she thought to herself as she took her shoes off and walked into Maggie's room, seeing it still looked the same as it did months ago, except for now pictures of Jamie and a picture of Alex on her bedside table.

 

She sat on the bed still holding onto Maggie, refusing to let go. She hadn’t even realized that Maggie had stopped hitting. She looked down to see Maggie was fast asleep, she smiled and softly moved her onto the bed and covered her up, kissing her forehead “i’m sorry for the arguing Mags” she walked out of the bedroom to go clean up the glass in the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> criticism is welcomed


	6. NOT A CHAPTER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a chapter

Hey everyone. So writing this next chapter for me has been very difficult due to personal issues. I hope to have the chapter posted by next week if I can get through these issues. I apologize for the wait! 

Sorry!


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone, i'm sorry it took me so long to write this chapter, while writing it i was facing some personal issues that kept me from continuing the chapter and will be facing forever. But, i forced myself to finally finish it so i could get it to you all, so sorry if it isn't the best. and i just wanna say thank you to my co-author who has really stood by me through all this. Thank you ❤️  
> but EcoLumberjack stay away from the nitrogen lol
> 
> (Trigger Warning: mention of rape, unplanned pregnancy and homophobia.)

******9 YEARS AND 7 MONTHS AGO**

 

Maggie had been feeling sick for the past few weeks and she was tired of not knowing why, she finally said fuck it, took the day off and find out why she wasn’t feeling good.

 

She was sitting in the room waiting for the doctor to come back, they already had her give a urine sample now she just needed to talk to the doctor. She hated doctors, she really didn't want to be here but she was so tired. There was a knock and the doctor opened the door smiling at her.

 

“Hello, Maggie how are you feeling?” Dr. Robbins was an amazing doctor, since she hated doctors and Arizona was a friend she met a few years ago when she and her wife Callie moved to Gotham from Seattle, Arizona told her whenever she needed to see the doctor to just come see her.

 

“Robbins, honestly i don’t know how I'm feeling, Hows Callie?” Arizona smiled “She’s great! Let’s catch up another time, right now tell me how you are feeling?”

 

Maggie sighed, “I have been throwing up almost everyday for the past couple weeks and i just feel off, i don't know how to describe it, i feel so tired.”

 

Arizona looked down at her chart and her eyes narrowed as she looked at it, looking back at Maggie then to the chart, she walked out of the room.

 

Maggie looked at the door confused watching Arizona talking to the nurse and it looked serious. She saw Arizona shake her head then walk back to the room with the most somber look on her face and she closed the door behind her still quiet. She pulls up her seat to sit next to Maggie.

 

“Maggie i have a serious question for you okay?” 

 

“Okay?” Maggie was confused why she looked so serious

 

“When was your last period?”

 

Maggie had to think, it's actually been about 2 months now that she thought about it. “About two months ago?”

 

Arizona put her head down and said “I was hoping you weren't going to say something like that and I wouldn't have to be the one to tell you this…” Arizona leans back to grab a paper from her file and holds it out to her. Then she said the words Maggie never expected to hear.

 

“Maggie you’re pregnant” Maggie sat there in shock, how could this happen, she didn't understand, she could hear Arizona saying something but she couldn't make out what she was saying, she was in complete shock.

 

“Maggie? Are you alright?” Arizona kept repeating the question.

 

“Are you sure this is right!? I’m gay Arizona, there is no way! There just isn't a way i could possibly preg..” She stopped mid sentence. 

 

Two months ago, her friend from when she was 14 had contacted her and they went out for drinks, she woke up the next day in her bed wondering how she got there. She gasped ‘ _Son of a bitch’_ she thought and jumped up and ran out of the doctors office to her car as fast as possible Arizona calling her name as she left.

 

She drove as fast as she could to his apartment, he had told her where he was living now that he was an up and coming attorney for the DA’s office, in case they ever needed to talk about a case.She finally arrived ran up the stairs to his door and banged on it. “RYAN FUCKING RAINES OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR” the door slammed open and she was pulled inside. 

 

“What the fuck Maggie? Why are you screaming like that?” Ryan was irritated and confused all at the same time.

 

Maggie ripped her arm away from him as she spoke in a deadly tone. “You raped me. You son of a bitch. I _TRUSTED_ you! I thought we were friends!” Maggie was furious, scared, hurt, and confused at all of this.

 

“Woah now! I didn't rape you! You said yes! We had sex! You finally remember?” Ryan was smiling like a little kid in a candy shop.

 

She looked at him like he was insane, which he really was! “I was drunk Ryan! I had no way to consent! You raped me! And no i didn't remember! I”M FUCKING PREGNANT YOU ASSHOLE!” 

 

Ryan smiled and grabbed her hands “See!? It was meant to be Mags! God wanted this! He wanted us to bring a child into this world and raise it together!!

 

Maggie back away from him eyebrows raising “Excuse me? God wanted this? What about what i wanted!? Not to be raped!?” 

 

Ryan smiled at her “It will be okay, this child was created from a magical night together, from love, we will get through this together!”

 

Ryan had completely lost his mind, Maggie was sure of it. She completely backed away from him, pointing at him “Stay away from me and this baby do you understand Ryan!? You need help.”

 

“Maggie I’ve been in love with you for years! That night we spent together was amazing, and it now is bringing us something that will hold us together forever!”

 

Maggie got quiet “That's why you got me drunk and raped me? Because you are in love with me!? That is just sick Ryan! Do you even hear yourself!? I’m going to the police with this Ryan, you need help and maybe they can help you” She started to walk away, but Ryan grabbed her arm roughly and slammed her against the wall.

 

“God loves you Maggie and he wanted me to help you this way, but if you continue to fight me on this you will be sorry” Never in the time Maggie had known him had he ever spoke or looked at her in the way he was, with hate. She started to struggle against him, “let me go!”

 

He held on tighter and squeezed her arm tighter pushing his hips against her, keeping her trapped against the wall and him. “Maggie you don’t want to make me mad, things will not go how you want them too”

 

Maggie proceeded to knee him as hard as she could backing as far away as possible, “What the fuck happened to you Ryan? You were never like this before”

 

“You. You changed me by not returning my feelings” Maggie felt her breath leave her, how dare he blame him raping her on her not having feelings for him! She couldn’t even look at him anymore she felt sick to her stomach, she rushed out of his apartment as he yelled out to her “You are making a big mistake Margarita!” 

 

She got into her car and just started crying, and the self loathing came all at once, why did she drink so much that night? Why didn’t she have a friend with her? Why did she trust him? She was so stupid. She deeply sighed and knew what she had to do.

 

**6 MONTHS INTO HER PREGNANCY**

Maggie sat on her couch crying, she couldn’t believe that this all happened. Weeks of testimony and he got away with raping her, AND he got full custody of her unborn baby. She couldn’t believe that this happened. 

 

**_KNOCK_ **

**_KNOCK_ **

**_KNOCK_ **

 

Maggie wiped her eyes and face and looked through the peep-hole to see Stephanie through it. She opened the door and before she could say anything Stephanie wrapped her in the tightest hug she had gotten in a long time. She just broke in her arms, she couldn’t stop the tears.

 

Stephanie moved them into the apartment never letting go of Maggie “I know, I know Mags, none of this is fair, that judge and lawyer were homophobic bigoted assholes.” Stephanie guided them to sit on the couch, still softly reassuring her. “I will watch over your baby for you while we continue to fight for custody for your child. You will get your child Maggie. My asshole rapist brother will not win.” 

 

“They took custody from me because I’m gay!! If they could they’d take the baby out of me now! "

 

"Hey, listen here. You got almost the whole precinct looking out for you. It may take time, but we will dig so deep that he won't be able to see the sun when we dig him into a hole. Hell! We will even sneak you out of the country if you want! Let me tell you, Canada seems like the whole 9 yards for the rainbow."

 

"You know I don't have money to just up and leave the country, Steph."

 

"Start your maternity leave earlier and we will whisk you away."

 

"Who is crazy enough to let a 9 month pregnant woman inside a plane? Do you ever thought what level of torture is to have a head trying to get out of your…!" She waves her arms around "In a freaking plane?! In those tiny seats?!"

 

"Oh wow. Okay. You went there." Stephanie looked shocked.

 

"It's not like I can ignore it! It's my bits at risk here!"

 

"Alright, alright. No labor in a plane. Got it. We can think about something else.

 

"Look, I know you're trying to help but… after the kid is born, I'm leaving."

 

"Oh, so you already have an escape plan! You little minx"

 

"No Steph. I'm leaving the kid here and moving on. I can't stay here with that asshole haunting me and my kid so close and so far at the same time! I don’t want to leave my baby but i have to"

 

"W-what? And where are you going?"

 

"National City. I think I can get transferred to their science division. A fresh start, you know?"

 

"I… I can't say I like that, but I understand. I'm going to help in anyway I can." 

 

**ABOUT 30 MINUTES AFTER MAGGIE GIVES BIRTH**

Maggie could not believe this beautiful little girl came from her. She held Jamie tight to her.

 

“Jamie Marie Sawyer, at least I get to name you, I love you so much. I wish i could just hold you forever, watching you become into an amazing little girl. I am so sorry my beautiful sweetheart, i’m sorry i can't be there for you. I’m sorry. For everything. I am so sorry. But i will always love you and will always be on your side, Always”

 

Maggie was crying, the tears were dripping onto Jamie’s face as Jamie’s little fist hit Maggie’s cheek. She chuckled looking at her never wanting to let her go. Suddenly the door opened. 

 

“Hey Mags its time” Maggie started crying even harder, she looked up at Stephanie. “I can’t Steph, I can’t let her go. I love her” Stephanie sighed sadly wiping her own tears away. She ran her fingers through Maggie’s hair and kissed Jamie’s forehead. “Maggie, i know you don’t want to and i don't want you to either but sadly my stupid brother won custody and if you didn't give her to him they might consider that kidnapping” Stephanie put her hand on Maggie’s cheek, “I promise to do my best to protect her” they cried together as Ryan came into the room.

 

“Give me my daughter” He knew not to just rip the little girl away from her with his sister standing right there. Stephanie spun around angrily looking right at him. 

 

“Shut up Ryan, this is hard for her. But you really don’t care. All you care about is causing her more pain. Just give her a damn moment.”

 

She turned back to Maggie who had her eyes shut still crying holding Jamie’s head up to her mouth repeatedly saying she loved her. She laid her chin on top of Maggie’s head rubbing her back. “I know Mags, I know.” Suddenly Jamie was ripped from her arms by Ryan who truly didn't care anymore. She reached her arms out towards Jamie as he walked out of the room with Jamie screaming at the top of her lungs. Stephanie climbed onto the bed and held her.

 

Stephanie had never heard the sound out of Maggie’s mouth before, it was heartbreaking as Maggie screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> criticism is welcomed!


	8. not a chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> please read.

hi everyone, i'm sorry i haven't updated this story in a very long time, when i started writing this something from my past had popped back up and it kept me from continuing, messing with my mental health. i am sorry that i have disappointed a lot of you by not updating. i will try to get back into this story. i hope you all can be patient with me. Again i apologize for not updating and letting life get in the way.


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